Facing up to Facebook
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 10:00AM Sometimes we succumb to motherhood. I confess I couldn't resist this one. My younger son has been somewhat of a social media curmudgeon. But pressures mounted, so he has finally joined Facebook and published an account of how it happened.
This is his story:
So there I sat in Temple ready to usher in the new year, amongst my parents, and our congregation, the finest elder liberal orthopedic surgeons, tax attorneys, and textile distributors my people have to offer.
In the middle of the service I was taken in by a twinkling light in the deepest corners of the stained glass windows. And suddenly I heard a voice...
"Scott Reifman, I am Moses... I command you to join Facebook!
Frankly it's irritating to all of us it's taken you so long.
Your reasonings are nothing more then outdated pre modern hippy
horsesh-t."
" But Moses..." I pleaded, " I am but a simple boy, with the most simple of wants and needs...
The embrace of my beloved... the love of family and friends... a cool ale on a Saturday's eve... the thundering hooves of horse at race... the haunting calm of Neil Young's voice... the ferocity of Townsend's guitar... 30 Rock reruns...
And the dream that one time this season the Vikings Secondary will get one big stop. Tis all I desire..."
"Oh blow it out your a--" replied Moses in a bellowing lash... " I led your ancestors from the pits of despair and slavery... I've guided your people through tribulations of the most unspeakable kind. Do not let their sacrifices go in vain... You must master the art of the social media, and heal the world!!!
You must join the
Book Of Face. Now go and fulfill my demands...
And no, the Vikings Secondary will not make one good stop this season. They lack quickness and football IQ. The team will be 4-12. There's nothing I can do about it"
I jumped to my feet, hurling into the rows before me, rudely knocking over Mrs. Berkenstall, the wife of our former pharmacist, who now runs a deli... and I screamed... Ok Moses!! I will fulfill thy commands. I will join Facebook!!"
So that's how it happened. I swear. So now, here I am.
What happens next?